Two Father's Days Instead

I had comments and replies with a good friend over my school fundraising rant and got to talk with her and one of the main powers behind my daughter's Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) today.  Boy did I feel like a jerk.  Although, actually, I kind of expected to have more people rake me over the coals, I do have some teacher friends.  Maybe they're too angry.   I got the teacher appreciation week thing cleared-up, my daughter was to bring an item each day for her homeroom teacher and whatever special she had for that day, so two items, not seven.  BIG difference.  I wonder why I just assumed that my understanding, though it seemed over the top to me, was correct?  It's not like I couldn't've called my friend to check.... I just jumped straight to feeling put out.  I guess I feel so out of step with regular non-narcissistic moms that I can't judge what's a realistic expectation of parental participation.

"And I'm going to be 40....some day!"*

http://www.marketday.com/shopping/products.aspx?sk=0&itemid=4521

I have made it to the night before my 40th birthday.
The kids are asleep, and my husband is asleep in there with them.
The dog is eating dinner. <crunch crunch slurp slurp crunch>

I am cross-legged on my bed with my laptop, an old teddy bear of mine, my sleeping/snuggling blanket (that my mom gave me) and a white furry bunny "tummy time" blanket that looks like a bear rug only it's a bunny.  I couldn't bear to give it away.  (Story forthcoming.)

If you are in the habit of checking here, you have noticed that I was not writing much this past week or two.  I've not been functioning all that highly.

Breakthrough!

http://bonobo.rcdc.it/archives/tag/little-april-shower/

I had a breakthrough today at my counseling session. I made some connections that I had not realized before, regarding 2 of my issues: the napping-in-the-car-thing and my negative feelings about growing-up.

I was telling my counselor how in my group session last night we had decided that the nap-thing was not necessarily all about sleep, but more about feeling safe.  I feel safe in my car, lying back and passively listening to the radio or music or sometimes just the wind and birds.   I get to feeling safe and soothed and then sleep follows. Today I realized that when asked the last time i felt safe, my brain goes first to a prominent memory of taking a nap in my bedroom in South Carolina in 1975 or so.

LEED Let-down

Today I stepped on the scale and saw that I've gained 10lbs since before the Holidays.  So instead of the pancakes that I wanted for breakfast, I ordered eggs instead.  I shouldn't have eaten my toast but I did (my husband's regimen that I try to follow loosely has him eating no non-vegetable carbs during the week except on Saturdays, when he can have whatever he wants.  Trying to do it strictly stressed me out, which I don't need, so I've been more lenient.  Since the Holidays though, I've been exhibiting no control over eating whatsoever and there's been a lot of ice cream and soda.)

After breakfast we and the kids visited a nature center near where my husband works.

Too Sensitive on Saturday

Found at http://dantudor.com/how-to-get-physical-with-your-recruiting-letters/

It is Saturday.  I usually sleep in and my husband and kids bring me breakfast.  Today I slept, woke, meditated a bit on who I am, who I was, who I've become.  Then they came home and I enjoyed my donuts and chai.  I checked Facebook and the stats for this blog and listened to the end of Metro Connection on WAMU (NPR).  My husband informs me that he isn't going to tell me what to do, but that sitting in bed on a day like this was stupid.  My daughter says, "I wouldn't want to sit around like you, Mom."  I can see the strangely warm February sunshine lighting the trunks of the trees in the wooded common area that fills my window.  The Splendid Table has begun.  They are talking about oysters.  Husband is driving the kids out to Bell Branch Park.  Do I want them to return to take me to lunch, er, dinner?  Yes, please.

Date Night: Gluttony & Levity

KrispyKreme

Short and sweet tonight.  My son's preschool had "Parents' Night Out," when some of the teachers babysit kids for the evening en masse.  My husband and I use these as our date nights.  There's maybe one a month or so.  We usually go see a movie, but there was nothing we really wanted to see tonight, so we had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory at the Annapolis (MD) Mall.  For the most part, the food was OK, but worth neither the price nor the 50 minute wait.  Our two person table was crammed into an row filled with as many tables as possible, which was not even remotely romantic.

The one thing that was worth the rest of the inconvenience was my desert.My husband stuck to his diet and did not eat the bread at the table or have desert.  He's such a good boy.  I ate the bread AND had desert: a butter pecan milkshake made with vanilla ice cream, caramel, and pecans.  It was amazing.  I also laughed more tonight than I had in a really long time, which I think was pretty good therapy.  Unfortunately, I probably consumed enough calories to last the whole weekend. 

At some point soon I am going to have to bite the bullet and get back to eating sensibly and exercising, about which I am decidedly unenthusiastic.  I'm fine  once I get started, but I have the worst problem committing to giving up the carbs I love: soda, ice cream, Chic-fil-A sauce, bread and butter.  Pasta I'm over.  Conquered that one since my husband gave it up.   Oh, and pancakes.  And donuts.  I love me a glazed donut or three.  Especially on Saturday mornings.  On Saturday mornings I get to sleep in and my husband and kids bring me some glazed donuts and a tall, no water, 4-pump, Starbucks Chai Tea Latte.  They open my door, leave their offering, and retreat before I eat them as well.  If they do, all is well.  If they do not, there is suffering.  I love Saturdays.  I live for Saturdays.  Tomorrow is Saturday.  It is good to be the Mommy.  At least, it has its moments.

An Unexpected Day of Crisis

Valery Milovic, Grief  (http://brokentoyland.com)

This is going to be a little rough because I am going to edit it as little as possible.  I'm only skimming it over once because I don't want to get back into feeling that way by pouring over this.  So this is basically how I felt on Wednesday.  It rambles a little, but might help you feel like you're not the only crazy mom in the gym at your kid's school function.  We're hiding...some less effectively than others.



I had the worst day yesterday that I've had for a long time.  Why is it that the terrible days are the ones that never seem to end?  As you might have guessed from Tuesday's post, I was sick to my stomach all that day and into the night.

Gratitude: My "Perfect" Husband

www.zazzle.com image

I am trying to think of what to write for tonight.  My husband says that he would like me to take this opportunity to expound on his many virtues.  (I am reading my words aloud as I type.)  Now he says he doesn't want me to write about him.  He needs to keep his mouth shut, says he.  This is what he gets for giving me a hard time.  Ha ha.

Oh, how I LOVE my husband.  Let me count the ways:

1.  He makes me laugh.  A LOT.  Often.
2.  ummmmm....