Withdrawal

It was like the song of the whos in How The Grinch Stole Christmas, "it started in low, then it started to grow."  A visit from my father-in-law interrupted our usual Sunday routine of going out for breakfast (and chai) before starting the day.  Instead, we all ate some kind of snack at home while my husband did his best to facilitate my actually putting away the pile of Christmas decorations that were heaped upon the table-like top of our piano.  For some reason, instead of being pleased with his help and getting those finally put away, I was more annoyed at his father for coming down and making me deal with the fact that it was nearly March and I hadn't gotten them put away yet.  Don't even ask about the tree.  It's still in the basement.  Every week I say, maybe this week we'll get that down, and then we (I) don't.  We decided Pop-pop was just not going to be allowed down in there.



So I wasn't handling that very well and I was hungry and I was out of my routine and I hadn't had my caffeine yet, so I was grumpy and tired.  When we did finally go for lunch, I got a root beer, hoping that it was the kind that had some caffeine, otherwise I knew I'd be in for a nasty caffeine-headache.  In the late afternoon I started to have some mild pain behind my right eye and up through my head in that quadrant.  Oh no.   Dammit, we had missed the window.  At this point our guest had left and we did run out for chai, and the cup I got was actually quite strong, so I hoped it would perhaps stave off the migraine, but no dice.  The pain had been reasonable up through when I was reading to my daughter at bedtime, but then I had to stop.  I passed the book to my husband and went into our bathroom.  At some point I want to write something very descriptive about this experience, but not right now.  I've been babying myself all day and so I am not going to stay up late blogging.  In the bathroom the pain got worse as I got to concentrate on it.  It had already begun to nauseate me, which was why I was there sitting in front of the toilet.  If I could just throw-up I was sure I would feel better.  Nothing.  Roiling, curdling stomach.  Hammering pain on my skull in the upper right over my eye.  Hammering with wooden mallots, then rocks, then metal hammers until I was crying and drooling into the basin.  My husband got me to curl up on our bed with a big bucket.  More hammering, more crying, some writhing, until finally my stomach put the chai, Dr. Pepper, and Arby's curly fries, where they belonged, which was apparently not in my body.

As my husband emptied the bucket I wondered if this meant I should take my meds again or not.  I decided not to.  I didn't want to tempt fate by putting anything into my stomach at this point.  But I did feel so much better.  The headache abated.  I chalked it all up to caffeine withdrawal since I've had the same reaction on other times I went around 24 hours without caffeine.  Someone asked me today if it might have been something else.  I can't imagine what though, and I have had caffeine-headaches before... only one that was this bad though.  It seems ridiculously out of proportion to me.  It's not like I'm one of those people who drink 10 cups of coffee a day.  I drink maybe 1 tall or grande Starbucks chai tea latte and maybe a medium Dr. Pepper on most days.  I hardly think that calls for such drama. 

In any case, I hate to be that beholden to a substance, so I did not have any caffeine today either, just to thumb my nose at it.  I did not feel terribly well throughout the day, my stomach was a bit off and I had a slight headache, but nothing too horrible.  It was very strange to go through regular routines without my two standby drinks.  I babied myself and let myself rest this morning and early afternoon since the kids were in school.  How lucky am I that I was able to do that?  It was delicious.  Just think how much better it would've been with a chai!  No, I am kidding.  The thought of chai actually was off-putting to me today.  Must be a primitive response to being sick after drinking it.

I don't know if I will have caffeine tomorrow or not.  I've been addicted to it for pretty much my whole life, except early childhood.  When I was growing up, in my house we never drank water and we often had sodas, usually cola, to drink with lunch and dinner.  So a truly decaf life would be a radical change for me.  We'll see.  I just don't like the idea of being afraid not to indulge in a routine.  I don't like the idea of having being that sick hang over my head.