Thursday, May 10, 2012

Procrastination Continues...
It's late Thursday night and I still haven't cleared the Christmas ornaments off my big desk downstairs so I have a dedicated work surface for my illustration.  I didn't get even remotely close to considering tackling that today.  I was supposed to give a nature walk today for the Mothers Of Preschoolers (MOPS) group I have been a member of for some six years now.  Nobody showed.  This was actually OK because I couldn't bring myself to go there ahead of time or prepare (knowing there were no real acceptances on the evite) yesterday.  I could've winged it without too much stress and elected to do that if necessary.  Last night I fell asleep on the floor next to my son's mattress  (we trundle his crib mattress under his sister's bed; neither likes to sleep alone) and didn't wake to take my meds until  3:30AM or so.  Then I had trouble falling back asleep.
I dreamed until dragged from sleep to get my daughter's snack ready for school and assemble bags of candy for her required teacher-gratitude assignment.  Then I dove back into bed and let my son watch My Little Pony until the last possible moment when I then dragged myself from being horizontal and grudgingly and groggily got our butts to the natural area in Annapolis.  We did our little walk anyway.  Found a box turtle.  So that was cool.  It would've gone fine; as I'd assumed, there was plenty to ooh and ah over on the little walk. 

So now my weeklong/monthlong task falls to tomorrow.  Maybe I'll get enough sleep to not feel so drugged tomorrow morning.  Oh, also I got a caffeine headache this afternoon and bailed on making dinner or basically doing anything.  I'm batting a thousand.  My daughter said, "Mommy, if we go downstairs and give you some time alone do you think you might feel better?"  I have no patience when I'm tired, sick, depressed, anxious, etc. and it is very obvious.  I need to find the will to try again to be my best me.  I think I've stopped trying because the world didn't end once I did so....I don't know if I can go back.

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