It's looking like I need to rein in my petulant inner teenager. I was really a pretty good teen at the time, no major rebellions or anything. But now, I am finding that the force that kept me alive during the worst of my anxiety and depression is not terribly willing to be relegated to the role of passenger after having that taste of being the driver.
It seems like in almost every situation of short-term vs. long-term gain, the short-term gain is chosen even before things are really thought through. The teenager, in league with my lizard brain, pounces on any present comfort, completely disregarding the effect of this choice on future outcomes. For this reason, for example, I am having a terrible time working on the illustration project I've promised to do because I have to get my stuff together, find a clear place or clear a place, and print out some pictures before starting. This is all too much for me to make myself do, apparently... so far. Which is, of course, ridiculous. In short, my Christmas tree ornaments are scattered all over my big desk and I have been unwilling to deal with putting them away in order to get started. That and printing out the pictures involves my bringing my laptop downstairs and plugging it into the printer. It sounds so ridiculous!
But, in the thick of depression and anxiety, it was this ability to seize any opportunity for rest and revitalization (i.e. NOT using them to put away Christmas ornaments) to renew myself is what kept me going. NOW, this behavior is no longer adaptive, but, I am finding, nearly impossible to countermand. Every weekend I swear I will clean off the desk and every weekend I don't get to it. I must not really want to do it. Of course I don't. I want it DONE, but I don't want to do it. Big surprise.
Any tips for wrangling your inner anarchist/reptile brain/rebellious teen?
It's not like I don't know how to do good time management. I used to be excellent at it.
Friends call me for advice on how to get the stuff done they need to and I help THEM.
I just can't seem to make myself take my own medicine. I don't want to let the grown-up me back in charge. Then it'll be work work work all the time and no more fun. That's what I'm hearing inside.